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My journey as an eater

A guest post by Annabelle Amanda Macnamara

Let me begin by explaining my journey as a woman and an eater. It all started at around the age of twelve. The arrival of my womanhood had come to test me with what I have now come to understand as my most rewarding life lesson. My teenage years had me feeling guilty about bingeing and anxious around big dinners and naturally weight became a topic of discussion. I found I was too preoccupied with the numbers on the scale and always had these goals of being impossibly slim and lose 5 kgs. I believed that I had to be a certain number on the scale to be accepted and loved by myself and others. One could say that I was on a reckless journey to this non–existent destination called ‘perfection’.

Fast forward past many torturous years of living in a cage of self-sabotage and disappointment, I entered the phase of desperation. I knew that there had to be more to this incessant obsession weight loss and lack of desire for much else. It was as if my life was to be on hold until I could find my worth in being thin and beautiful. To my relief, I landed on ‘The Institute for the Psychology of Eating’ when I needed it the most. This online institute has a completely fresh and cutting edge outlook on food related struggles and the human psychological relationship with food. It closely examined our motives to eat and why some people crave sweets when they are anxious while others prefer savoury stuff. Their views on a healthy diet were unlike those of multi million dollar diet that slap you in the face with bizarre nutritional claims only to leave you in a perpetual guilt trip.

I immediately applied for ‘the eating psychology coach certification’ to find myself enrolled in a course that allowed me to start a new journey into self-love, acceptance and a healthier relationship with food. It has now been 8 months since completing the course and receiving my recognition as a qualified eating psychology coach. As I continue on this path, I’d be lying to say that I’ve conquered all my demons and reached my destination but I can wholeheartedly say that I have found the fuel for my journey upwards. Here are a few of many tools and practices that have impacted and continue to help me find freedom and hope in my journey.

Embodiment
We tend to be so consumed with either the past or the future that we forget to thrive in the present. Embodiment is the notion that we are fully grounded and present in the moment, happy to be alive and in our bodies. When it comes to exercise, a lot of us go to the gym or join exercise programs that make us want to escape rather than live in the moment because they are either too strenuous or boring. We forget to bring love and passion into the equation of movement. If done from a place of sheer enjoyment and love, exercise should give us a deep sense of joy and appreciation for life and being in the body. I found my true sense of embodiment through dance. I always knew I loved dance but never pursued it because I assumed I wasn’t good enough. In thinking this, I spent years depriving myself of movement that I truly enjoyed. Instead I pursued other dreadful fitness alternatives and as a result was never able to commit to an exercise regime for longer than two weeks. Once I was introduced to the concept of pleasure in embodiment I knew I owed it to myself to move in the way I love so I decided to take up Zumba classes. Sure enough, the classes gave me the freedom of expression and I loved to revel in the present. Remember that this could mean different things to different people. I like zumba but you might enjoy pilates or crossfit so do whatever fills you with joy.

Slowing down
Nowadays a busy life equates to a ‘cool’ life. The more you do, the more driven and successful you appear. As sexy as a busy lifestyle looks, the honest fact of the matter is that while we may appear ambitious, our health is slowly diminishing and while we are rising up the business ladder we are slowly descending into a world of health issues and consequences. We have not taken the time to slow down and bring awareness in our day to day tasks.

As a result of a fast paced lifestyle, our bodies are constantly living with serious adrenal fatigue, high levels of cortisol and we carry on like this, unaware of the repercussions. If you’ve noticed by now, meal times are no longer relaxed and with the family but quick meals over the telly or on the move that lead to gastrointestinal distress and bloating.

By practicing the simple trick of taking several deep breaths before every meal to relax your mind and body at the table you can lower your heart rate, slow down, come back to the moment and actually taste and enjoy your food. This in turn, satiates you faster, improves digestion, increases your calorie burning efficiency and leaves you less bloated and uncomfortable after a meal. Rather than wolfing through 3 plates of food before you give your body a chance to tell you, you are full, you enter a space of body wisdom and awareness.

Slowing down at the table is also an act of mindfulness. The more we bring about mindfulness in our daily practices, the less inclined we are towards a stressful physiology and lifestyle. As beneficial as slowing down at the table is, if you have always been a fast eater, like myself, slowing down is a conscious choice that you have to make at every meal. It will take time to undo a lifelong habit so be patient with yourself and don’t beat yourself up about forgetting or reverting to old habits. Instead, take it one meal at a time, and enjoy the process of experiencing every bite in its fullness. You’ll feel a world of a difference and in fact begin to relish in the sensuality of meal times.

Self- Acceptance
If you are prone to self-attack and driven for perfection, chances are you have not fully accepted yourself. My true revelation of love came to me through the word ‘acceptance’. I realised that I had to accept and own where I was and how I was before I could even hope for transformation. After all, you cannot lose something that you have never even owned. Self-acceptance is a practice in unconditional love, not only for my strengths but more so for the parts of me that I have fought with all my life.

Amongst other aspects, I found myself in a perpetual fight with the extra weight that spanned the circumference of my waist, arms and thighs. My mind was in a constant tumultuous drilling towards perfection rather than in a peaceful space of love and acceptance for where I was at. You cannot achieve body positivity through a journey of self-hate and attack therefore bullying myself into transformation was only counterproductive. Have you ever heard of the parent who beat and attacked their child into a confident adult? It simply goes against the law of the universe. Hate only creates for confusion and more hate whereas love only creates for more love. Why wait to be a certain number on the scale to love yourself? Why not start now and embrace each step and watch yourself blossom?

Self-sabotage starts in our minds, with negative self – talk and unrealistic expectations. I realised my mind needed a good clean up so I made a conscious effort to think loving thoughts over myself and forgive myself for being human and having a slip up from time to time. Self-acceptance is not something that you can put a time frame to but rather a journey of self- honesty, forgiveness and one decision at a time to love on yourself through your thoughts, words and actions. You’ll find the benefits catch up with you in ripples and ever so occasionally in showers of change.

In my peaks of self- love, it was easier for me to make healthier eating and lifestyle choices. The more self- acceptance I live in, the more balance I was able cultivate in my life. Acceptance means embracing within you what is new, old, good and bad and loving yourself through the change. I am grateful for the struggles and imperfections I have worn on my heart and skin for they have only come to fuel me in my journey of growth.

These tools have come to rescue me and pull me up when I needed a helping hand. I have learnt to make my peace with my body and try and encourage others to do the same around me. As my life, decisions and weight fluctuate, I remind myself constantly to ground, relax and love myself to healing. I pray my journey will give you a glimmer of hope to redirect your path of perfection to one of self-love. If you find acceptance, pleasure and love, you will find freedom to live to your highest potential and escape the cage of obsessive calorie counting and body consciousness. We are all whole and perfect just the way we are, don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise. Let this journey of love start inwards and you’ll see life transform in front of your eyes.

About the Author-
I was born in Delhi and moved to the Himalayas in Mussoorie when I was 7 years old. I studied in Woodstock school, an international boarding school based in Mussoorie itself .After graduating high school from Woodstock, I travelled to London to do my undergraduate degree in Teaching English. A year after completing my undergraduate I moved to New Delhi, got married and studied to become an ‘Eating Psychology Coach’ with a Colorado based online institute called ‘The Institute For the Psychology of Eating’.

Jia Singh

ABOUT ME

I am a Delhi-based nutritionist, food & wellness consultant and freelance features writer. I write for a variety of different magazines and websites in India and overseas on restaurants, travel, wellness and food.

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7 thoughts on “My journey as an eater

  1. Jhilmil says:

    This resonates with me, especially the philosophy of slowing down.. So true, and this is what I tell everyone, in everything they do. It’s the key to being mindful, and it’s the key to happiness in the palm of your hand. Well written!!

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  3. Village Physio says:

    thanx for sharing this information about eating. because your food can decide on your body’s shape. I have a weight loss center in Mississauga. u can click on my website and read information about it.

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